How to Thrive as a Pastor’s Wife
by Christine Hoover

My rating: 5 / 5
Genre: Christian non-fiction

My husband picked up this book for me just based on the title, since he’s currently working toward becoming a pastor and I have told him, multiple times, that I don’t feel adequate to be a pastor’s wife. We’re both in our early 40s, and this was a sudden, out-of-nowhere decision on his part, at least initially. What we’ve come to see throughout the journey so far (8 months) is that God definitely put us on this path. And for me, that means that if He put my husband on this path…He must have meant for me to be on it too, since we’re a package deal.

This book definitely addresses more of the traditional pastoring journey—the young couple who are starting their lives together around the same time as the husband is starting his pastoring life—whether the reader is in the early stages of that life or the later, which makes sense, since it’s by far more common than our situation. However, much of Hoover’s advice and discussion about what a pastor’s wife’s life looks like is universal enough to be very helpful for me as I anticipate this future change. She does even mention at least once the very scenario I’m currently living. And actually, some of what she talks about addresses issues I’m having currently as the head of a particular ministry in my church (butting up against people with a different idea of how things should go, dealing with self-doubt and expectations of myself that are too high, etc.). That has actually helped me to step back and re-assess my initial, knee-jerk reactions and think through a better response to differing opinions.

The understanding that, though “pastor” has a pretty specific biblical job description, “pastor’s wife” really has none is a huge help to me, as I did question whether I’d be able to fill the role with my particular giftings. I’m sure many of us have a specific idea in mind of what a pastor’s wife is/does, usually based on a pastor’s wife at a church we attended at some point in our lives, whether one that we respected or perhaps didn’t. I even asked our church’s pastor’s wife about if she ever felt that she was expected to fill a role that she couldn’t (this pastor is retired now, and I asked her about this a few weeks before his last Sunday). She told me that she was blessed to be at a church that let her serve where she was best suited, and this book reinforced the idea that that is really how it should be. We don’t all play the piano, sing well, enjoy working with children, or whatever pastor’s wives might traditionally be thought of as doing well. But that shouldn’t be a source of friction, either on the part of the wife or of the congregation.

I may have spent a lot of my review on that one topic, but this book has so much more insight and useful tools than this. Creating boundaries to protect the home life, for example. The importance of not neglecting our own spiritual health while doing so much to help others with theirs. Not looking for a fellow broken human to fill the role that only God can. And so much more.

I also really appreciate the chapter that Hoover addresses to the pastor himself, the husband of the woman reading this book, giving him insight into what his wife is most likely going through and tips on how he can help her to thrive in her position alongside his ministry by creating boundaries and recognizing her difficulties. I will definitely have my husband read that chapter at some point in the near future as he finishes his schooling, gets licensed as a pastor, and looks for a position in ministry. This book makes it clear that being a pastor’s wife can be difficult but rewarding, and my hope is that going into it with some foreknowledge and a foundation of 25 years of marriage will help me to avoid some of the major pitfalls. Or at least provide tools to navigate them. I have no doubt I’ll revisit different parts of this book in the future as different situations arise, and I can see it being a great help to other women who are married or engaged to pastors or married to pastors-to-be.

Find out more about How to Thrive as a Pastor’s Wife

See what’s coming up.

If you’ve read this book, or read it in the future, feel free to let me know what you think!